About Me
Hello there! My name is Katie and I would like to welcome you to my blog, Living Behind A Smile! A little bit about me: I am 36 years old and currently live in Georgia. Originally, I am from Michigan (Go Green!) but made the south my home in 2014. I have also spent time in Ohio, Virginia and Indiana. I love my family, animals (some have referred to me as the dog whisperer), anything to do with the Michigan State Spartans and Atlanta Braves, Disney World, music/concerts and my brand new Peloton bike. I prefer older sit-coms (especially Saved By the Bell, Boy Meets World, the Golden Girls and Gilmore Girls) to the reality-crazed world we live in today but I also never miss an episode of MTV's The Challenge.
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I have always had a difficult time opening up and being vulnerable so the idea of starting a blog and putting my life story out there for everyone to see is a little nerve racking and something I never thought I would do. However, there is also a part of me that is excited by it. I have gotten to the point in my life where I am tired of pretending that everything is okay all of the time but I am also at a point where I'm ready to put in the work to become a better version of myself - both mentally and physically. Everyone has a story and I'm ready to share mine - the good, bad and the ugly.
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Growing up, my life was...different. For as long as I can remember, I was overweight. While part of my weight struggles could be blamed on genetics, I also enjoyed eating food that simply weren't good for me. When I was in the eighth grade and hit my heaviest weight of 233 pounds, I knew something had to change. I tried Curves, diet pills and fad diets but I just couldn't stay motivated to stick with anything. However, once I got a summer job at Cedar Point (an amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio) in 2006, the tide began to turn.
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While working at an amusement park may seem glorious, it's not what anyone probably envisions. For five summers, I worked outside six days a week for 10-14 hours per day, which was rather exhausting, especially since I spent most of my life as a couch potato. It did eventually get easier once I got used to it though. Even though my eating habits didn't change a ton, I saw the number on the scale start to drop due to the amount of exercise I was getting and it was exciting that something was finally working. Overall, working at Cedar Point was an incredible and life changing experience. I met and worked with individuals from all over the world, came out of my shell a little bit, learned what it was like to be on the own and learned to like exercise rather than despise it.
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I didn't actually start cleaning up my diet until 2014 when I moved to Georgia but once I did that (along with the exercise), the weight and inches seemed to fall off. I continue to be in a work in progress but as it stands right now, I have lost 83 pounds and am the smallest I ever remember being. I have also had two skin removal surgeries and am hoping to have one more.
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Unfortunately, my obesity was not the only struggle I dealt with as a child, although I wish it was. When I was growing up, I was sexually molested for seven years by a former family member.
Unfortunately, my obesity was not the only struggle I dealt with as a child. When I was growing up, I was sexually molested for seven years by a former family member. While it certainly is difficult to admit and open up about, I am ready to share my story in hopes of helping me move on as well as help others who have gone through something similar.
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When I was younger, the idea of sharing my secret was haunting. What would happen if I said something? Was I going to be blamed? What will my friends think? Did it actually happen? If it happened, why did I wait so long to say anything? When it came down to it, it just seemed easier to bury it deep inside and act as if nothing happened so that's what I did. I got decent grades, was active in all sorts of activities in school and had a big group of friends. No one ever expected anything. I mean, the feelings and thoughts were bound to be forgotten eventually, right? Wrong. One day, I couldn't take it anymore and simply snapped. I finally told my mom what happened and while it was the hardest thing I have ever to do, it also felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. At least initially.
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I thought that once I said the words, everything would be fine and I'd be able to just my life freely. I quickly learned that wasn't exactly how it worked. I actually think this is when I developed anxiety and depression. All I know is when I was in high school (before sharing my secret), I was relatively social, participated in a number of extra-curricular activities and didn't worry about what other people thought. Once I came forward though, I became a homebody/borderline hermit, studied 24/7, became a perfectionist in everything I did, freaked out if I did anything wrong, developed trust issues and constantly wondered if I said anything wrong.
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When I look back at everything, I am well aware that my past is my past and that is something that is unfortunately never going to change. However, while I am tired of letting it define who I am as a person, I continue to have a difficult time moving past it.
It's honestly just frustrating. I already lost the majority of my childhood because of him and I am tired of letting him have my adulthood too.
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